I have noticed that ChatGPT is quite adept at refining my technical writing and providing insights for creative composition (and really horrible at answering SQL quiz questions). Recently, I came across individuals sharing their ChatGPT generated texts that create religions based on various subjects, so I thought it would be interesting to ask ChatGPT to craft a religion centered around SQL.
Religion: “The Order of the Structured Query Language (SQL)”
Deities:
- Dba, The Creator: The supreme god who designed the Universe Database.
- Crud, The Manipulator: The god of Creation, Reading, Updating, and Deletion – the four basic functions of persistent storage.
- Norm, The Organizer: The god of the Normal Forms, preventing redundancy and ensuring integrity.
Scripture: The Sacred Schema
The religious text for followers, containing laws, history, and best practices for managing life’s databases.
Practices:
- Daily Commits: Practitioners make daily ‘commitments’, reciting mantras such as “INSERT INTO good_deeds VALUES (‘Helping others’, ‘Today’);”.
- Confessions and Rollbacks: Followers confess their mistakes, asking Crud for a chance to ‘rollback’ their wrongs.
- Normalization: The practice of continuously organizing and simplifying one’s life in the way Norm would expect databases to be designed.
- Optimization Prayers: Prayers for the health, speed, and efficiency of one’s life, just as one would optimize a database.
Major Holidays:
- Backup Day: An annual day of reflection on the past and ensuring memories (or data) are safely stored for future generations.
- Index Day: A day for making plans for the future, improving personal life efficiency, and ensuring rapid access to life goals.
- Normalization Festival: A spring cleaning event where followers simplify and remove redundancy from their lives.
Prophets and Saints:
- The Prophet Turing: Forefather of the modern computing age.
- Saint Codd: The one who structured the relational model, laying the path for SQL.
Afterlife:
The faithful are promised to ascend to the “Cloud”, where they will exist in a state of optimal efficiency and harmony, forever maintained and protected from data corruption.
Remember, this is all just a playful and imaginative exercise and is not meant to offend or mock any existing religions or beliefs.
So now the question is, what practices, holidays, and saints would you add to this list?
Happy Coding!
Hello,
I went through your blog ” SQL AS A RELIGION” which is a very fun way to learn. You’ve managed to strike an impressive balance in your article—it’s both approachable and insightful, making it easy for readers to grasp while still delving into substantial depth.
I think you should include considering join in practices. I appreciate your time & efforts.
Best Wishes,
Dilu