Hey, everyone. Thank you for checking out my blog. I can’t find an option in WordPress to auto-approve comments, but please add a comment, and I will approve it. I also have a really cool GitHub here of all sorts of puzzles and database writings.
I have noticed that ChatGPT is quite adept at refining my technical writing and providing insights for creative composition (and really horrible at answering SQL quiz questions). Recently, I came across individuals sharing their ChatGPT generated texts that create religions based on various subjects, so I thought it would be interesting to ask ChatGPT to craft a religion centered around SQL.
Religion: “The Order of the Structured Query Language (SQL)”
Deities:
- Dba, The Creator: The supreme god who designed the Universe Database.
- Crud, The Manipulator: The god of Creation, Reading, Updating, and Deletion – the four basic functions of persistent storage.
- Norm, The Organizer: The god of the Normal Forms, preventing redundancy and ensuring integrity.
Scripture: The Sacred Schema
The religious text for followers, containing laws, history, and best practices for managing life’s databases.
Practices:
- Daily Commits: Practitioners make daily ‘commitments’, reciting mantras such as “INSERT INTO good_deeds VALUES (‘Helping others’, ‘Today’);”.
- Confessions and Rollbacks: Followers confess their mistakes, asking Crud for a chance to ‘rollback’ their wrongs.
- Normalization: The practice of continuously organizing and simplifying one’s life in the way Norm would expect databases to be designed.
- Optimization Prayers: Prayers for the health, speed, and efficiency of one’s life, just as one would optimize a database.
Major Holidays:
- Backup Day: An annual day of reflection on the past and ensuring memories (or data) are safely stored for future generations.
- Index Day: A day for making plans for the future, improving personal life efficiency, and ensuring rapid access to life goals.
- Normalization Festival: A spring cleaning event where followers simplify and remove redundancy from their lives.
Prophets and Saints:
- The Prophet Turing: Forefather of the modern computing age.
- Saint Codd: The one who structured the relational model, laying the path for SQL.
Afterlife:
The faithful are promised to ascend to the “Cloud”, where they will exist in a state of optimal efficiency and harmony, forever maintained and protected from data corruption.
Remember, this is all just a playful and imaginative exercise and is not meant to offend or mock any existing religions or beliefs.
So now the question is, what practices, holidays, and saints would you add to this list?
Happy Coding!
Hello,
I went through your blog ” SQL AS A RELIGION” which is a very fun way to learn. You’ve managed to strike an impressive balance in your article—it’s both approachable and insightful, making it easy for readers to grasp while still delving into substantial depth.
I think you should include considering join in practices. I appreciate your time & efforts.
Best Wishes,
Dilu
Hi Scott
Enjoyed the playful, tongue in cheek nature of this blog…
Note though that I’ve ascended to the cloud and it doesn’t feel like heaven. 🙂
On another somewhat related front, do you think that SQL/ relational theory could qualify as a type of philosophy?
Ive had my own stresses learning cloud environments. I know the feeling, so hang in there.
I don’t think SQL would classify as a philosophy, but thinking in sets is definitely a mindset that needs to be learned.
Need to add Patching Day, where you gather your loved ones around the patching pole and air grievances while screaming obscenities at one another. Kinda like Festivus.
Hey, do you know why am I getting a huge uptick in views on this blog?
This link was included in the Brent Ozar’s weekly newsletter mate, should hopefully clear the confusion
I don’t know for certain, but I expect you’re getting a huge uptick because Brent Ozar (brentozar.com) linked to this post in his daily subscriber email… and I think his followers are many. That’s how I got here…
I came from Brent’s email too. Funny post, i’ll be following the blog
I don’t know for certain, but I expect you’re getting a huge uptick because Brent Ozar (brentozar.com) linked to this post in his daily subscriber email… and I think his followers are many. That’s how I got here…
here also. Brent sent me here
Same here. Brent Ozar as one of the Apostles?
Absolute perfection! Although I do like the addition of “Patching Day”
What about the Celebration Of The Next Level : a new version of sqlserver?
I would think you would also need
1. An Ascension Day – A Day in which we raise to a new level of SQL (upgrade to the next version)
2. Day of the Dead – A Day when a version of SQL goes out of support
I would like to nominate Ralph Kimball for the dogma of data warehousing the slowly changing dimension.
How about
1)”sects”. Although we all share the same core beliefs, some of us come to this belief in SQL from slightly different perspectives (i.e. DB2, SQL Server, Oracle, etc.)
2)reorg – Holiday, life is so hectic, on this holiday we pause to spend time with our family and friends, get our lives back in order, re-establish old relationships
3)Referential Integrity – a counseling session between columns in different tables. Mediated by their DBA, they try to come to an understanding as to how they can continue to work together. If an understanding is not reached, those lacking integrity are excommunicated by the DBA. A difficult decision with potential consequences. But, the integrity of the church must be maintained.
4)purge – the last ritual on backup day. If done incorrectly, worshippers bring back to mind all the thoughts and experiences stored away on backup day and re-attempt the purge.
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.